By: Emma Hickey
In April of 2017, Pacific Standard asked “Why are young people so into crystals?” The answer is complicated and varied—because they’re a substitute for religion, because they seem like accessible solutions to some of life’s biggest problems, because brands are reinforcing the value of crystals by incorporating them into beauty and fashion items, because they work—but the premise of the question is indisputable: healing crystals are in.
Spencer Pratt and Gwyneth Paltrow know they’re in. Pratt is even launching an MTV Youtube series about crystals. The Hills alum and one-half of the unit known as Speidi has always had his finger on the pulse of a particular type of trends—the kind of trends you build an identity around. He was the first to fully understand reality TV’s need for a villain and shaped himself, and his then-girlfriend-now-wife Heidi Montag, as such. He’s recently gotten into birding, an instagrammable hobby that’s slowly seeping into the zeitgeist, and he was a devout believer in the healing power of crystals before Paltrow even thought to start selling them on Goop. She’s on board now, though, and with the celebrity endorsement of both Pratt and Paltrow, you can rest assured that healing crystals are no longer fringe interests. In fact, they’re becoming so mainstream, you may even notice people using them, holding them, or wearing them in public. You may even notice people using them in the office.
Here’s how they’re supposed to work: each crystal has its own unique vibrations and the vibrations of the stones interact with the vibrations of your body to positively benefit you. According to LiveScience, crystals interact with our chakras and “act as conduits for healing — allowing positive, healing energy to flow into the body as negative, disease-causing energy flows out.”
Whether you believe in this or not, the workplace can be a powder keg of emotions, communication styles and ideologies, and it might be nice to have reinforcements. Why not give crystals a try? Because if they work for Spencer Pratt, they’re surely work for you.
Here are some scenarios when a crystal might come in handy:
For the chatty coworker
Everyday, when you sit down at your desk, your chatty coworker starts regaling you with tales of the last 14 hours since you saw them last. You know everything there is to know about their pet fish, their mother, their dietary restrictions and their favorite nature documentaries. You’re always able to maintain a polite exterior, but on the inside you want to scream.
You need rose quartz.
Rose quartz is the crystal of inner peace. It will balance your emotions and help you keep your calm as your coworker rains down on you with boring stories. It will also unlock the more generous side of your heart and may even allow you to hear your coworker’s tales with fresh, more loving ears.
For when the coffee machine breaks
You were so excited when your office invested in a fancy espresso machine. You love to make yourself lattes, cappuccinos and flat whites, but there’s only one problem—the machine always breaks. How are you supposed to get energized for the day without your coffee?!
You need a ruby crystal.
Rubies increase blood pressure and energize your heart, while also increasing stamina and decreasing fatigue. They’ll amplify your energy and keep your mind sharp throughout the day. Who needs coffee beans when you have rubies!
For those dark winter days
It’s the middle of January in Barrow, Alaska and you haven’t seen the sun in days. The constant moonlight is starting to get you down, not to mention the chilly temperatures and the unrelenting snow. You starting wishing you bottled up a little bit of summer to unleash during times like these.
You need citrine.
Citrine is connected to the energy of the sun and holding it in your hand will take you back to those lazy hazy crazy days of summer. It’ll also increase your circulation, giving you more energy. Citrine will fill you with the sun’s light and joy, making you forget that there are still 3 more months of winter to go.
For when you’re the only woman in the room
Your team is a good ol’ boys club. You can’t get a word in edgewise, someone is always explaining something to you that you already know, and you’re pretty sure they all make more money than you.
You need chrysocolla.
According to Goop, chrysocolla “aids women in embracing their divine feminine power through strong communication, self-expression, empowerment, and education.” Combine chrysocolla with a bit of gumption and centuries of feminist learnings built upon each other and passed down from generation to generation, and you may dismantle the patriarchy yet.
For the day of a big deadline
Normally, you love your high energy office. Today, though, all the dogs running around, the music playing, the laughing and the chit chatting is really getting on your nerves. You have a big project due at the end of the day and you just can’t focus. Not even your noise canceling headphones are doing the trick.
You need fluorite.
Fluorite facilitates concentration. It will help you put aside external noises and distractions and focus on the task at hand, while also creating a positive energy environment. It also cuts through confusion and clears the mind. Fluorite is a must in any open office environment.
For the day after the company holiday party
There was an open bar and halfway through the night your CEO started handing out shots. Once the official party was over, you and some coworkers went to another bar. Then you went to karaoke. Then you got pizza and beer. Finally, you went home, where you snuggled into bed about three hours before your alarm was set to go off, and you didn’t drink any water the whole night.
You need seraphinite.
Seraphinite is among the most cleansing and detoxifying of the crystals. It’s said to disperse vitamins and minerals throughout the body and can even ward off infections and aid in weight loss. Hold it while you drink gatorade and eat your bacon egg and cheese on a roll for best result.
For dealing with a difficult boss
You love your team of smart coworkers, your hip company and your innovative product, but you don’t love your boss. Luckily, you don’t have to interact with them often, but when you do, their bad vibes always seem to linger long after they’re gone. You wish you could sage every room your boss has been in before you enter, but you need an option that’s a bit more discrete.
You need black tourmaline.
Black Tourmaline cleanses negative energy and neutralizes unwanted energy. It’ll balance out the negative vibrations of emanating off of your boss and make space for more positive energy to enter the air. It’s even supposed to protect your body from the electromagnetic radiation of computers and other electronics. Black Tourmaline will be your bodyguard against the negativity of your boss and robots alike.